jell o

11

[Sheldon]:Checkmate.

[Leonard]:Ah!Again?

[Sheldon]:Obviously,you'sthree-dimensionalCandyLandwould

bemoreyourspeed.

[Leonard]:Justrettheboard.

[Sheldon]:Itmustbehumblingtosuckonsomanydifferentlevels.

[Penny]:Hey,getmymail?

[Leonard]:Yeah,Nebraska?

[Penny]:Well,thatjoke'sonlyfunnyinNebraska.

[Sheldon]:Fromthedataathand,youreallycan'tdrawthatconclusion,allyoucansaywithabsolutecertaintyisthat

thatjokeisnotfunnyhere.

[Penny]:Boy,it'sgoodtobeback.

[Leonard]:How'syourfamily?

[Penny]:Oh,itwastheworsttrip,everyonegotsickovertheweekend.

[Sheldon]:Sick?

[Leonard]:Herewego.

[Sheldon]:Whatkindofsick?

[Penny]:Oh,theflu,Iguess.

[Sheldon]:Idon'tneedyoutoguess,,whendidthesymptomsfirstappear?

[Penny]:MaybeFriday.

[Sheldon]:tmorningorafternoon?

[Penny]:Idon't...

[Sheldon]:Think,woman!Whoblewtheirnoandwhen?

[Leonard]:Sheldon,relax,shedoesn'thaveanysymptoms,I'msureshe'snotcontagious.

[Sheldon]:Oh,uenzawasonlycontagiousaftersymptomsappear,itwouldhavediedoutthousandsof

erebetweentoolusingandcavepainting,Homohabiliswouldhavefiguredouthowtokill

theguywiththerunnyno.

[Leonard]:Penny,you'llhavetoexcuSheldon,he’sabitofagermaphobe.

[Penny]:Oh,it'stand.

[Sheldon]:aleave.

[Leonard]:You'dbettergobeforehestartssprayingyouwithLysol.

[Penny]:Okay,well,thankyouforgettingmymail.

[Leonard]:ehome.

[Sheldon]:What?

[Leonard]:Whatthehellareyoudoing?

[Sheldon]:I'mmakingPetridishestogrowthroatcultures.

[Leonard]:WithlimeJell-O?

[Sheldon]:Ineedagrowthmedium,,swabmythroat.

[Leonard]:Idon'tthinkso.

[Sheldon]:Leonard,ifI'mgoingtogetaheadofthisthing,Ineedtofindoutwhat'sgrowinginmythroat.

[Leonard]:Sheldon,,butyouarenot.

[Sheldon]:Wehaingneverbeen

toNebraska,I'mfairlycertainthatIhavenocorn-huskingantibodies.

[Leonard]:Sheldon,don'tyouthinkyou'reoverreacting?

[Sheldon]:WhenI'mlyingcomatoinahospitalrelyingoninferiormindstocureme,theJell-Oculturesandmy

accompanyingnoteswillgivethemafightingchance.

[Leonard]:I'mgoingbacktobed.

[Sheldon]:Wait,putthisinthebathroom.

[Leonard]:Whatfor?

[Sheldon]:Ineedtomeasuremyfluidintakeandoutputtomakesuremykidneysaren'tshuttingdown.

[Leonard]:Imixedpancakebatterinthis.

[Sheldon]:No,thatmeasuringcuphasalwaysbeenforurine.

[Leonard]:Youhadtimetomakealabelforeverythinginthisapartmentincludingthelabelmaker,butyoudidn'thave10

condstomakeonethatsaid“Urinecup”?

[Sheldon]:It'srighthereonthebottom.

[Leonard]:Huh…IguessIowetheBettyCrockerCompanyaletterofapology.

[Sheldon]:Oh,d?Leonard,I'd?Leonard,mycomforterfelldown,andmysinushurt

d?

[Leonard]:Hey.

[Sheldon]:Leonard,whereareyou?

[Leonard]:I'matwork.

[Sheldon]:At6:30inthemorning?

[Leonard]:Yes.

[Sheldon]:OnSunday?

[Leonard]:Yes.

[Sheldon]:Why?

[Leonard]:Theyaskedmetocomein.

[Sheldon]:Ididn'thearthephonering.

[Leonard]:Theytextedme.

[Sheldon]:Well,asIpredicted,rhasbeentrackingupexponentiallysince2:00a.m,andIamproducing

sputumatanalarmingrate.

[Leonard]:Nokidding?

[Sheldon]:Nope,notonlythat,ithasshiftedfromcleartomilkygreen.

[Leonard]:Allright,well,getsomerestanddrinkplentyoffluids.

[Sheldon]:WhatelwouldIdrink?Gas?Solids?Ionizedplasma?

[Leonard]:Drinkwhateveryouwant.

[Sheldon]:Iwantsoup.

[Leonard]:Thenmakesoup.

[Sheldon]:Wedon'thavesoup.

[Leonard]:I'matwork,Sheldon.

[Sheldon]:Isthatadog?

[Leonard]:Yes.

[Sheldon]:Inthelab?

[Leonard]:,they'retrainingdogstooperatethecentrifugeforwhentheyneeddogsto...operatethecentrifuge

for...ogo.

[tz]:Howard,it'sthephone.

[Howard]:Iknowit'sthephone,Ma,Ihearthephone.

[tz]:Well,who'scallingatthisungodlyhour?

[Howard]:Idon'tknow.

[tz]:Well,askthemwhythey'recallingatthisungodlyhour!

[Howard]:HowcanIaskthemwhenI'mtalkingtoyou?!Hello?

[Leonard]:Howard,it'sLeonard,codemilkygreen.

[Howard]:DearLord,notmilkygreen.

[Leonard]:Affirmative,withfever.

[tz]:Who'sonthephone?

[Howard]:It'sLeonard.

[tz]:Whyishecalling?

[Howard]:Sheldon'ssick.

[tz]:Wereyouplayingwithhim?

[Howard]:ForGod'ssake,Ma,I'm26yearsold!

[tz]:Excume,p,whatdoyouwantforbreakfast?

[Howard]:Chocolatemilkandeggos,plea.

[Leonard]:Howard,listentome.

[Howard]:Hangon,callwaiting.

[Leonard]:No,don't...Don't...

[Howard]:Hello?

[Sheldon]:Howard,I'msick.

[Howard]:Ah...Howard'ssleeping,youcallingatthisungodlyhour?

[Sheldon]:Ineedsoup.

[Howard]:heldon.

[Leonard]:Itriedtostopyou.

[Howard]:It'smyownfault,Iforgottheprotocolweputinplaceafterthegreatearinfectionof06.

[Leonard]:YoucallKoothrappali,weneedtofindaplacetolaylowforthenext18to24hours.

[Howard]:,canmyfriendscomeover?

[tz]:Ijusthadthecarpetsteamed.

[Howard]:That'sanugatory,butthere'saPlanetofTheApesmarathonattheNuarttoday.

[Leonard]:Fivemovies,twohoursapiece…it'sastart.

[Lady]:HomelesscrazyguyatTable18.

[Penny]:No,n,whatareyoudoinghere?

[Sheldon]:I'ouverymuch.

[Penny]:Howcouldyou'vegotteniffromme?I'mnotsick.

[Sheldon]:You'reacarrier,'redoomed!

[Penny]:Shh!Sheldon,whatdoyouwant?

[Sheldon]:Iwantsoup.

[Penny]:Whydidn'tyoujust...?Whydidn'tyoujusthavesoupathome?

[Sheldon]:Penny,IhaveanIQof187,don’tyouimaginethatiftherewereawayformetohavehadsoupathome,

Iwouldhavethoughtofit?

[Penny]:Youcanhavesoupdelivered.

[Sheldon]:y,bringmesomesoupwhileIstillunderstand

whataspoonisfor.

[Penny]:Okay,whatkindofsoupdoyouwant?

[Sheldon]:Well,mymotherudtomakemethissplitpeawithlittlefrankfurterslicesandthehomemadecroutons.

[Penny]:Wehavechicken,tortillaandpotatoleek.

[Sheldon]:CouldIgetanyofthowithlittlefrankfurterslicesandhomemadecroutons?

[Penny]:No.

[Sheldon]:oucallthat“mossgreen”or“forestgreen”?

[Howard]:Lookatthis,everyonewentchimp.

[Raj]:Well,I'dliketopointoutthatIvotedfororangutan,butyoushoutedmedown.

[Leonard]:Oh,hi,Penny.

[Penny]:Hey,whereareyou?

[Leonard]:I'ma...atwork.

[Penny]:Yousoundfunny.

[Leonard]:Oh,uh,I'm...'sup?

[Penny]:Yeah,well,I'matwork,too,andyou'llneverguesswho'shereinfectingmyentirestation.

[Leonard]:Sheldon'satTheCheecakeFactory,justtellhimtogohome.

[Penny]:Well,hewon'tleave,hesayshe'safraidhe'llpassoutonthebusandsomeonewillharvesthisorgans.

[Leonard]:He'sparanoidandhe'stablishedanest.

[Penny]:Canyoupleacomegethim?

[Leonard]:Uh,yeah,I'dbehappyto,,myGod,there'sabreachintheradiationunit!Thewholecityisin

,myGod!Thecontainmentveslismelting,gottago,bye!Ifeelreallyguilty.

[Raj]:Youdidwhatyouhadtodo.

[Howard]:Takeyourstinkingpawsoffmypopcornyoudamndirtyape.

[Sheldon]:Thanksforbringingmehome.

[Penny]:Oh,it'sokay,Ididn'treallyneedtoworktoday,it’snotlikeIhaverentorcarpaymentsoranything.

[Sheldon]:Good,good.

[Penny]:Okay,well,youfeelbetter.

[Sheldon]:Wait!Whereareyougoing?

[Penny]:Um,home…towritesomebadchecks.

[Sheldon]:You'regoingtoleaveme?

[Penny]:Hey,Sheldon,youareagrownman,haven’tyoueverbeensickbefore?

[Sheldon]:Ofcour,butnotbymylf.

[Penny]:Really?Never?

[Sheldon]:Well,once,whenIwas15andspendingthesummerattheHeidelbergInstituteinGermany.

[Penny]:Studyingabroad?

[Sheldon]:No,,thelocalcuisinewasalittlemoresausage-badthanI'mudto,andthe

resultwasaninternalBlitzkrieg,withmylowerintestineplayingthepartofCzechoslovakia.

[Penny]:Andtherewasnoonetheretotakecareofyou?

[Sheldon]:No,myMomhadtoflybacktoTexastohelpmyDad,becauthehouhadslippedoffthecinderblocks

again.

[Penny]:Again?

[Sheldon]:Itwastornadoason,,thehoukeeperinthefacultyresidence

didn'tspeakanyEnglish,andwhenIfinallymanagedtoconvinceherIwassick,shesaid…

[Penny]:Whatdoesthatmean?

[Sheldon]:Badonwhathappenednext,Iassumeitmeans“Wouldyoulikeanenema”?

[Penny]:Okay,sweetie,I'lltakecareofyou,whatdoyouneed?

[Sheldon]:Well,myMomudtogivemespongebaths.

[Penny]:Okay,groundrules:nospongebathsanddefinitelynoenemas.

[Sheldon]:Agreed.

[Raj]:Herewego,tenandahalfhoursofapeygoodness.

[Leonard]:Oh,damnit,,I'mblindhere,guys,canyouhelpmefindthem?

[Howard]:hem…

[Leonard]:Oh,great.

[Howard]:I'msorry,don’tyouhaveaspare?

[Leonard]:Yeah,athome.

[Raj]:Well,ifyouleavenow,youcanbebackbeforethegorillasripthecrapoutofCharltonHeston.

[Howard]:UnlessSheldon'sthere,inwhichca,you'llbetrappedforeverinhiswhiny,hyper-neuroticsnotweb.

[Leonard]:Hi,Penny?Iwasjustwondering,isSheldonstillattherestaurant?Okay,thatwasveryniceofyou.

Okay,Igottago,gotkindofafull-blownChernobylthinghere,gottago,'shome,I'mscrewed…

Tenandahalfhoursofapeyblurriness.

[Raj]:HowaboutLasik?

[Leonard]:Youwantmetogeteyesurgery?

[Raj]:WouldyourathergobacktotheapartmentanddealwithSheldonorhaveastrangercarveoutyourcorneaswith

alarbeam?

[Howard]:Well?

[Leonard]:I'mthinking!

[Penny]:Okay,niceandcozy,I'lleyoulater.

[Sheldon]:Wait,willyouplearubthisonmychest?

[Penny]:Oh,Sheldon,can'tyoudothatyourlf?

[Sheldon]:Thatmakesmyhandssmellfunny.

[Penny]:But,Sheldon...

[Sheldon]:Plea,plea,plea……

[Penny]:Ican'tbelieveI'mdoingthis.

[Sheldon]:No,no,counterclockwi,ormychesthairmats.

[Penny]:Sorry.

[Sheldon]:CanyousingSoftKitty?

[Penny]:What?

[Sheldon]:MyMomudtosingittomewhenIwassick.

[Penny]:I'msorry,honey,Idon'tknowit.

[Sheldon]:I'llteachyou…Softkitty,warmkitty,littleballoffur,happykitty,sleepykitty,purr,purr,.

[Penny]:Softkitty,warmkitty...

[Sheldon]:bbing.

[Penny]:Littleballoffur.

[Leonard]:Whatdoyoue?Ican't...

[Raj]:Thelivingroomappearstobeempty.

[Leonard]:Okay,hemustbeinhisbedroom,myspareglassareinmybedroom,onmydresr,nexttomyBat-Signal.

[Howard]:I'mnotgoinginthere.

[Leonard]:Raj?

[Raj]:Noway,Jo.

[Leonard]:ButIcan'tdoit,Ican'teanything.

[Howard]:It'sallright,wirelessmini-camandBluetoothheadt,we'llbeyoureyes.

[Leonard]:Fine.

[Howard]:Onemorething,thisisasubsonicimpactnsor,IfSheldongetsoutofbedandstartstowalk,thisdevicewill

point,badonthegeographyoftheapartmentandthe

ambulatoryspeedofasickSheldon,you'llhavevencondstogetout,glassornoglass.

[Leonard]:Won'tmyfootstepstitoff?

[Howard]:',you'llneedtogetthensorascloasyoucantoSheldon's

room.

[Leonard]:HowdoIcarryitifI'monmyhandsandknees?

[Howard]:ptrue.

[Leonard]:What?

[Howard]:Itmeans“Gostraight”.

[Leonard]:Thenjustsay“Gostraight”.

[Howard]:Youdon'tsay“Gostraight”whenyou'regivingbearings,yousay“Keeptrue”.

[Leonard]:Allright,Ijusthitmyhead.

[Howard]:Becauyoudidn',turnright.

[Raj]:Thepicture'sbreakingup.

[Howard]:Angleyourheadtotheright,now,alittlemore,',ht,you'reclo

enoughtoSheldon'sroom,,turniton.

[Leonard]:Itwasn'ton?

[Howard]:No.

[Leonard]:ThenwhydidIhavetocrawl?

[Howard]:Oh,Iguessyoudidn't.

[Leonard]:Okay,it'son.

[Howard]:Good,fromthispointforward,youwillhavetocrawl.

[Leonard]:Iknow.

[Howard]:Hangon,thensor'spickingupsomething,turnyourheadback.

[Penny]:Youratbastard.

[Howard]:Toldyouthensorwouldwork.

[Leonard]:Hi.

[Penny]:YoudeliberatelystuckmewithSheldon.

[Leonard]:Comeon,Ihadto,youewhathe'slike?

[Sheldon]:Penny?Penny,I'mhungry.

[Penny]:Ah,it'sokay,ws!Leonard'shome!

[Leonard]:No.

[Penny]:Hereyougo,goodluck,bye.

[Leonard]:Oh,wait,wait.

[Sheldon]:Leonard?I'mhungry!

[Leonard]:,takemewithyou!

[Sheldon]:Leonard?hinkPennywillcomehereandtakecareofus?

[Leonard]:Idon'tthinkPenny'vercominghereagain.

[Sheldon]:I'mverycongested.

[Leonard]:Yeah,So?

[Sheldon]:Couldyougotothekitchenandgetmetheturkeybasterlabeled“Mucous”?

[Leonard]:IfIstand,I'llvomit.

[Sheldon]:Underthesink,yellowTupperwarebowl.

-----------------THEEND------------------