生活大爆炸第三季下载

BigBangTheoryTranscripts

S3E01–TheElectricCanOpenerFluctuation

PreviouslyonTheBigBangTheory...

[Scene:Openingshowssomescenesfromthefinalepisodeofthepreviousason,followedbythe

caption“Threemonthslater.”Scenethenopensinlobby,withtheguysarrivinghomefromthe

elonghairandbushybeardxceptSheldon,whohairisslightlylongerand

whohasagoatee.]

Sheldon：IamgoingtotheArcticCirclewithLeonard,Walowitz,andKoothrappali.

Penny：Forthreemonths?-

Sheldon：Yes.

Leonard：Whatdidyoumeanwhenyousaidyouweregoingtomissme?

Penny：ItmeansIwishyouweren'tgoing.

[threemonthlater]

Leonard：Oh,thankGodwe'rehome.

Howard：Ican'tbelievewespentthreemonthsinthatfrozenhell.

Rajesh：Itwaslikeasnowynightmarefromwhichtherewasnoawakening.

Sheldon：Idon'tknowwhatArcticexpeditionyouguyswereon,butIthoughtitwasahootandahalf.

Sheldon：Oh,hi,,ItoldyouI'dcallyouwhenIgothome.I'ht,I'

Arcticexpeditionwasaremarkablesuccess.I'mallbutcertainthere'ly,I

shouldn'tsaythat.I',Mother,

factthatI',I'mnot

dI'mgonnagoletPennyknowwe'reback.

Sheldon：Mother,,.

Hello,'shome.

Penny：Leonard,you'reback.

Leonard：toppedbytosay--hmph!

,hi.

Penny：Hi.(Theystumble,kissing,intoherapartmentandslamthedoorshut)

Howard：Damnit,Ishouldhavegoneoverandtoldherwewereback.

Rajesh：Yeah,itwasfirst-come,first-rve.

CreditsSequence

[Scene:Amomentlater.]

Sheldon：Ijustwantyoubothtoknow,WhenIpublishmyfindings,Iwon'tforgetyourcontributions.

Howard：Great.

Rajesh：Thanks.

Sheldon：Ofcour,Ican'tmentionyouinmyNobelacceptancespeech,butwhenIgetaroundtowriting

mymemoirs,youcanexpectaveryeffusivefootnoteandperhapsasignedcopy.

Rajesh：Wehavetotellhim.

Sheldon：Tellmewhat?Youfellowsareplanningapartyforme,aren'tyou?

Howard：Okay,Sheldon,sitdown.

Sheldon：Ifthere'sgoingtobeathemeIshouldletyouknowthatIdon'tcareforluau,togaor"underthe

a."

Howard：Yeah,we'...Weneedtotalktoyouaboutsomethingthathappenedatthe

NorthPole.

Sheldon：Ifthisisaboutthenighttheheatwentout,

there'snothingtobeembarrasdabout.

Rajesh：It'snotaboutthat.

Howard：Andweagreedneverspeakofitagain.

Sheldon：nlytokeepourcorebodytemperaturesfromplummeting.

Howard：He'sspeakingaboutit.

Rajesh：Forme,itwasabondingmoment.

Howard：Sheldon,yourememberthefirstfewweeks

WewerelookingformagneticmonopolesAndnotfindinganythingandyouwereactinglikean

obnoxious,giantdictator?

Rajesh：thoughtweweregoingtobegentlewithhim.

Howard：That'swhyIaddedthe"tator."Andthenwhenwefinallygotourfirstpositivedata,youwereso

happy.

Sheldon：Oh,orldofemoticons,Iwascolon,capital"D."

Howard：Well,inactuality,whatyourequipmentdetectedwasn'tsomuchevidenceofparadigm-shifting

monopolesasitwas...staticfromtheelectriccanopenerwewereturningonandoff.

Rajesh：Hejustwentcolon,capital"O."

Sheldon：Youtamperedwithmyexperiment?

Howard：Wehadto.

Rajesh：that?Iaddthe

"ensian."

Sheldon：DidLeonardknowabouthis?Leonard'Leonarddidn'tknow.

Howard：Actually,itwashisidea.

Sheldon：leplanweeksofLeonard.

Penny：Imisdyousomuch.

Leonard：Imisdyou,too

Penny：Icouldn'teventhinkofanyoneelwhileyouweregone.

Leonard：Me,'s...Don'task.

Sheldon：(Knock,knock,knock)Leonard.(Knock,knock,knock)Leonard.(Knock,knock,knock)Leonard.

Leonard：Donotmakeasound.

Sheldon(whispering)："Donotmakeasound..."...isasound.

Leonard：odtime,Sheldon.

Sheldon：.

Penny：Oh,?

Sheldon：Hello,PennyIrealizeyou'recurrentlyatthemercyofyourprimitivebiologicalurges,butasyou

haveanentirelifetimeofpoordecisionsaheadofyou,mayIinterruptthisone?

Penny：It'in.

Sheldon：aveanythingtosayforyourlf?

Leonard：Yes,everforgivemylf,Idon'texpectyouto,either,andIwouldreally

appreciateitifyouwouldleavemewithPennyforassionoflf-criticismandrepentance.

Penny：Okay,cansomeonepleatellmewhat'sgoingonhere?

Sheldon：What'sgoingonisIwasleadtobelieveIwasmakinggroundbreakingstridesinscience,whenin

fact,IwasbeingfedfaldataatthehandsofWolowitz,Koothrappaliandyourfurrylittleboytoy.

Penny：Isthattrue?

Leonard：Itwastheonlywaytomakehimhappy.

Penny：Well,why'dyouhavetomakehimhappy?

Leonard：Becauwhenhewasn'thappy,goingto

throwhiskindleoutside,andwhenhewenttogetit,lockthedoorandlethimfreezetodeath.

Sheldon：Thatemslikeabitofanoverreaction.

Leonard：No,theoverreactionwastheplantotieyourlimbstofourdifferentsleddogteamsand

yell,"Mush."

Look,stillpublishtheactualresults.

Sheldon：Yes,buttheactualresultsareunsuccessfulandI'vealreadyntane-mailtoeveryoneatthe

universityexplainingthatIhaveconfirmedstringtheoryandforeverchangedman'sunderstandingofthe

univer.

Leonard：Aw,e,yeah,youprobablyshouldn'record

'snobigdeal.

Sheldon：You'reright,'didwaslietome,destroymydreamandhumiliate

,FYI,wassarcasm.I,infact,believeitisabigdeal.

Penny：Oh,thepoorthing.

Leonard：Yeah,Ifeelterrible.

Penny：Waitwait,aren'tyougoingtogotalktohim?

Leonard：What?Uh,he''re.

Penny：No,you'reright--youshouldn'.

Leonard：Man,Icannotcatchabreak.

[Scene:Sheldon’nocksandenters.]

Penny：Doyouwanttotalk?

Sheldon：Aboutwhat?Beingbetrayedbymyfriends?SpendingthreemonthsattheNorthPolefor

nothing?AndIdidn'tevengettogotoComic-Con!

Penny：Oh,hon...Uh...Softkitty,warmkitty...

Sheldon：That'sforwhenI'otsick.

Penny：'tknowyoursadsong.

Sheldon：Idon'thaveasadsong.I'mnotachild.

Penny：Well,youknow,Idounderstandwhatyou'regoingthrough.

Sheldon：Really?DidyoujusthavetheNobelPrizeinwaitressingstolenfromyou?

Penny：Well,no,butwhenIwasaniorinhighschool,oneofmyfriendsheardIwasgoingtobenamed

,eynamedstupid

slutbag.

Sheldon：Areyousayingthatyouthinka"celebtionpie"ivenremotelycomparabletoaNobelPrize?

Penny：Well,they'reprettytasty.

Sheldon：Andonadifferent,butnotunrelatedtopic,badonyourcurrenteffortstobuoymyspirits,doyou

trulybelievethatyouwereeverfittobeacheerleader?

Penny：Look,Sheldon,Ijustdon'w?They

,youknowwhatit'slike?Rememberthat

sceneinthenewStarTrekmoviewhenKirkhastotakeovertheship,sohetellsSpockallthatstuffheknew

wasn'ttrue,likesayingSpockdidn'tcarehismomdied?

Sheldon：ImisdComic-ConandthenewStarTrekmovie!

[Scene:haskepthis

moustache.]

Rajesh：Ilikethenewlook.

Howard：t"theClooney."

Rajesh：Icallit"theMarioandLuigibutwhatever.

Hey,how'ssheldondoing?

Leonard：Well,hecameoutofhisroomthismorningwearinghisDarthVaderhelmetandtryingtochopme

todeathwiththe"force"soIwouldsay"alittlebetter."

Howard：IfImayabruptlychangethesubject,didyouandPennyfinally...youknow.

Leonard：Howard...

Howard：Personally,Idon'tcare,butmygenitalswantedmetoask.

Leonard：WelltellyourgenitalswhatIdowithPennyisnoneoftheirbusiness.

Howard(tohisgenitals)：Hesaystheydidn'tdoit.

Leonard(toSheldon,entering)：Sheldon,overhere.(Sheldonsitsatanothertableandtriestochokeall

tendsheischoking.)

Howard：Whatareyoudoing?

Rajesh：well,Ifeelbadfortheguy.

Leonard：Sheldon,whyareyousittingbyyourlf?

Sheldon：eproverbialchee,leated.

Leonard：weweresorry.

Sheldon：It'sgoingtotakemorethanan"I'msorry"andastore-boughtapologypiefromPennytomakeup

forwhatyou'vedonetome.

Barry：Hey,estroyyourreputation.

Sheldon：Youe?Peoplehavebeenpointingandlaughingatmeallmorning.

Barry：That'havebeenpointingandlaughingatyouyourwholelife.

Sheldon：Allright,I'vehadenough.

Attention,everyone.I'ofyouinthephysicsdepartmentmightknow,my

tely

uldliketoremindyouthatinscience,there'snosuchthingasfailure.

Thereoncewasamanwhowasreferredtohispredictionofacosmologicalconstantasthesingle"biggest

blunder"n'snamewas--surpri,surpri--AlbertEinstein.

Barry：Yeah,butrearchintoDarkEnergyprovedthatEinstein'scosmologicalconstantwasactuallyright

allalong,soyou'restill--surpri,surpri--alor.

Sheldon：Oh,youthinkyou',letmejusttellyou,whileIdonotcurrentlyhaveascathing

retort,youcheckyoure-mailperiodicallyforadoozy.

Leonard：SomuchforourfriendshipwithSheldon.

Rajesh：Well,wealwayshavethenighttheheatwentout.

[Scene:Penny’sapartment.]

Penny：Hi.

Leonard：,sincewegot,youknow,interruptedlastnight,Ididn'thaveachancetogiveyouthis.

Penny：Oh,Leonard,youshouldn',boy!

Whatisit?

Leonard：It'eNorthPole.

Penny：Areyourious?

Leonard：'rvedinaonepercentsolutionofpolyvinylacetalresin.

Penny：Oh,'sthemostromanticthinganyone'versaidtomethatIdidn'tunderstand.

Leonard：It',cyanoacrylatesaremonomerswhichpolymerizeon--

(shekisshim)

Howard：Redalert,nranaway.

Leonard：Man,Icannotcatchabreak.

Penny：So,howdoyouknowheranway?

Howard：Well,he'snotansweringhisphone,hehandedinhisresignationattheuniversityandhentmea

textthatsaid,"I'mrunningaway."

Leonard：Okay,well,thanksforlettingmeknow.

Penny：Well,Leonard,aren'tyougoingtodosomething?OfcourI'mgoingtodosomething.

Uh,Howard,youcheckthecomicbookRaj,gototheThairestaurant.I'llstayherewithPennyinher

apartment.(Hisphonerings)Oh,damnit,It'sSheldon',

is?SheldonwenthometoTexasYeah,no,...,no,no.

You-you''tworry,I'

,youandRajgotoTexas.I'llstayherewithPennyinherapartment.

Penny：Well,you'renotgonnagowiththem?

Leonard：Well,youknow,Igaveyouthesnowflake

andwewerekissingand...Oh,comeon,Idon'twanttogotoTexas!

Howard：Oh,right,andIdo?'redone.

Leonard：Trustme,you'.

Penny：Well,waitacond,Leonard,comeon,howcanyounotgo?He'syourbestfriend.

Leonard：Yeah,butIalreadysawhimnaked.

Penny：helpSheldon.

Leonard：Really?

Penny：aitafewmoredays.

Leonard：.

Rajesh：Boy,youcannotcatchabreak,canyou?

[Scene:Sheldon’smother’skitchen.]

MrsCooper：Hereyougo,Shelly.

Sheldon：Thaks,Mom.

MrsCooper：Holdyourhors,Texas,wepraybeforeweeat.

Sheldon：Aw,notCalifornia,landoftheheathen.

MrsCooper：andweareall...

Sheldon：...fed.

MrsCooper：Giveus,Lord,ourdaily...

Sheldon：...bread.

MrsCooper：Pleaknowthatwearetruly...

Sheldon：...grateful.

MrsCooper：Foreverycupandevery...

Sheldon：....

MrsCooper：Now,thatwasn'tsohard,wasit?

Sheldon：MyobjectionwasbadonconsiderationsOtherthandifficulty.

MrsCooper：tilllovesyou.

Sheldon：Thankyouforcarvingasmileyfaceinmygrilledcheesandwich.

MrsCooper：Oh,Iknowhowtotakecareofmybaby.

Hiyescamesoutalittlethin,Butyoucanjustpretendhe'anttotalkaboutwhat

happenedwithyouandyourlittlefriends?

Sheldon：They'renotmyfriends.

MrsCooper：ecall,whenyouwerelittle,wesatrighthereatthisveryspotWetalkedabout

someoftheproblemsThatyouhadgetinalongwiththeneighborkids.

Sheldon：rethreatenedbymyintelligenceAndtoostupidtoknowthat'swhythey

hatedme.

MrsCooper：Ohbaby,theyknewverywellwhytheyhateyou.

[Scene:Arentalcar.]

Leonard：Ican'tbelieveyouboughtaredcowboyhat.

Howard：Hello?I'mwearingaredturtleneckPlus,itwastheonlyboys'largetheyhad.

Rajesh：I'msorry,'sthetumbleweeds?Whe'sthesaloons?

Leonard：Saloons?

Rajesh：Yeah,w,uh,FourforTexas,YellowRoof

Texes.

Howard：ThisneighborhoodismorelikeTexasChainsaw

Rajesh：Iwasreallyhopingtoeacattledrive.

Leonard：WhatcanItellyou?Theyprobablyhavesteaksonsaleatthatbig-assCostcooverthere.

[Scene:Sheldon’smother’shou.]

Leonard：Willyoupleatakethatstupidhatoff?

Howard：No,Iwanttoblendin.

Rajesh：Towhat?ToyStory?

MrsCooper：Hi,boys.

Howard：Howdy,ma'am.

MrsCooper：herequick..

Leonard：Wetookthered-eye.

MrsCooper：Well,comeonin.

Howard：Thankyoukindly.

MrsCooper：Can..CanIgetyousomethingtodrink?

Leonard：Uh,no,thankyou.

Howard：Ifyoudon'tmind,Igotahankerin'foraLoneStarbeer.

MrsCooper：There'lkinglikethatandlothehat.

Howard：Sorry,I'lltakeadietYoo-Hooifyouhaveit.

MrsCooper：You'outyou?Radge,isn'tit?Oh,youstillhavingtroubletalkingtothe

ladies?Becau,youknow,atourchurch,Wehaveawomanwho'she

does,uh,crutchandwheelchairpeople,ButIbetshe'dbewillingtotakeashotAtwhateverThirdWorld

demonisrunningaroundinsideofyou.

Leonard：Uh,ifyoudon'tmind,,There'sa3:05nonstopbacktoLosAngeleAndyouhaveno

ideahowmuchIwanttobeonit.

MrsCooper：Agirl?

Leonard：Uh,yes,ma'am.

MrsCooper：Oh,rayingforyou.

Oh,Sheldon.

Sheldon：Whataretheydoinghere?

Leonard：Wecametoapologize.

Howard：Again.

Leonard：AndbringyouhomeSo,whydon'tyoupackupyourstuffandwe'llheadback

Sheldon：No,toyou,mycareerisoverAndIwillspendtherestofmylifeherein

TexasTryingtoteachevolutiontocreationists.

MrsCooper：Youwatchyourmouth,ne'ntitledtotheiropinion.

Sheldon：Evolutionisn'tanopinion,it'sfact.

MrsCooper：Andthatisyouropinion.

Sheldon：'sgohome.

MrsCooper：Don'ttellmepreydoesn'twork.

[Scene:InPenny’sbed.]

Leonard：whowtheysaywhenfriendshavex,itcanget

weird?

Penny：Sure.

Leonard：Whydoesithavetogetweird?

Penny：Idon'tknow.

Leonard：Imean,wewerefriends,andnowwe''rewhatever"this"label

it,right?Imean,itiswhatitisand...

Penny：Leonard?

Leonard：Yeah?

Penny：It'sweird.

Leonard：totally.