英语幽默小品

顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了

服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！

A:Watchout!Yourthumbsinmysoup!

B:Don'tworrySirit'snotthathot!

一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。

“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”

“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”

Awaiterbringsthecustomerthesteakheorderedwithhisthumboverthe

meat.

A:Areyoucrazy?(yelledthecustomer),withyourhandonmysteak?

(Whatanswersthewaiter)Youwantittofallontheflooragain?

服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。

第一个顾客：我要茶

第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！

服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？

B:(Waiter:)Teaorcoffeegentlemen?

A:I'llhavetea.

C:(2ndcustomer:)Metoo-andbesuretheglassisclean!

(Waiterexitsreturns)

B:(Waiter:)neaskedforthecleanglass?

创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。

服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？

看起来象是在仰泳，

A:Waiterwhat'sthisflydoinginmysoup?

Umlookstometobebackstrokesir...

服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。

A:Waiterthere'saflyinmysoup!

B:Don'tworrysirthespideronthebreadrollwillget'em.

服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！

不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。

A:Waiterthere'saflyinmysoup!

C:Nosirthat'sacockroachtheflyisonyoursteak.

服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。

A:Waiterthere'saflyinmysoup!

B:Keepitdownsirorthey'llallbewantingone.

服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。

A:Waiterthere'saflyinmysoup!

C:ItsOKSirthere'snoextracharge!

服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。

A:Waiterthereisaflyinmysoup!

B:SorrysirmaybeI'veforgottenitwhenIremovedtheotherthree.

服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！

是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。

A:Waiterthere'sadeadflyinmysoup!

C:Yessirit'sthehotwaterthatkillsthem.

话剧前半部分是荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

（Introduction）：Longagotherewasacrazycountry,inthiscrazycountry

thereweresomecrazypeople,tryingtoshowthecrazyhistorybycrazy

kewasthemostfamousswordsmanandwasnttokillking

ofQing,“Yingzheng”.anttoknowwhat

happenedatthattime?Okay,I

太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：

Mirror,mirror,tellme,whoisthemostprettymanintheworld?(画

外音：It’syou,PrinceDan!太子丹高兴状)Thankumirror!（面对观众）

I’mPrinceDan,themagicmirrorsaidIamthemostattractivemanin

gZhengisajealousguy,Ifeelhewillkillmeifmirror

canIdo?(向幕里大叫)Where

ismyminister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬):Honey,Iamcoming.

太子丹：I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymost

beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smartanddearestPrince

Dan”!

阿三：Sure,honey!indaherotokill

YingZheng~~~

（作杀状）太子：Ohyeah~~~.Whatisthemostexpensivecommodityinthis

century?Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，

最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状）Goodidea!Butwhoisthe

rightcandidate?

阿三：iss

LiMoChou,owtheywillPKfortheNO1killer

oftheworld.

太子：Well,showmethewinnerassoonaspossible,OK?

阿三：II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are

youLimochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK.I’mJingke,youknow,Iwillletyou

knowIamthekingofthekillers’world.李莫愁Areyouchallengingme?

荆轲Offcour!耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Comeon!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在

江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地

荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：Whathappened?Whyaren’tyouhurt?荆轲:Wedon't

'twe?Dowe?（赢一个人需要理由

么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Mommaalwayssaid:"Lifeislikeabox

ofchocolates,erknowwhatyou'regonnaget."Igotit,

Mommaisright.

荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：Howareyou?

荆柯：Fine,thankyou,andyou?太子丹：OhmyGod!Couldyougivemean

innovativeanswerto“Howareyou”?

荆柯：Sure!太子丹：Howareyou?

羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）

Characters:

,Xiaofu,Dabao

:sanevident

changeabouttherelationshipbetweenthetaxcollectorandtaxpayerin

,thetaxcollector,Xiaofu,andthetaxpayerDabao,

st

Acthappenedin1980s.

ActI

(inBazaarofBeijing,sanlihe,1980s)

Dabao:Yangrouchuan,yangrouchuan,eatenone,wantnine,eatenone,want

nine.

Hi,Takemyyangrouchuan.(slipped,takeitup,)

Xiaofu:Tax!Paythetax!

Dabao:(changefaces)

Taxi?Whereisthetaxi?Here’snotaxi.

Xiaofu:Tax!T---A---X!

Dabao:What’sthetax?Ijustknowtaxi!Doyouwantmetocallataxi

foryou?

Taxi----!Taxi----!

Xiaofu:Enough!Areyouthevendor?

Dabao:No,No,No,no!I'dorhasgonetothe

toilet.

Xiaofu:Notthevendor?Impossible!you'vebeenherefor2hours.

Dabao:Really?(Xiaofu:Yes,ofcour.)

Howdoyouknowit?

Xiaofu:ThewindowofmyofficeisopentohereandI'vebeenlooking

atyoufortwohours.

Dabao:It’sabigbug!

Xiaofu:’twastemytime!Pleapaythetax----10Yuan!

Dabao:10yuan?!stearned20Yuanoneday!5Yuan,ok?

Xiaofu:Don'tcheatme,you'vesoldmorethan2hundredones.

Dabao:6yuan,mydearsisiter.

7Yuan,mylovelybeauty.

Dabao:Notforyou,notforme,let'ssplitthedifference.8yuan,ok?

Xiaofu:(lookingaround)Allright,eceipt.

(Dabaopayed8yuanandXiaofuleft)

Dabao:Whatasmartwoman!Badluck!I’ochangemy

place.

HopeIwouldnotmeetheranymore!Let’sgo!

ActII

:adbeenmarching

inthewayofthemarketeconomyfortwentyyearsmore,inthenewera

ofbuildingthewell-offsocietyinanall-roundway,howdothevendor

regardtaxasandhowisthetaxcollected?Thescenewilltellyou.

Let’njoyit!

(Inthemarket;Dabaoinwhiteclothes,aboardwith"NOSARS")

Dabao::Yangrouchuan,ne,ne,want

nine.

Xiaofu:Hi,

Dabao:Hi.

Two:Whatafamiliarface.

Two:It’syou!

Dabao:10yearspast,youareastillataxcollector.

Xiaofu:10yearspast,youstillllYangrouchuan.

Howisyourbusiness?

Dabao:EverythingisOK!

10yearspast,youarestillbeautifulladyinSanliheofBeijing.

Xiaofu:10yearspast,youandyourYangrouchuanlookmorecleanthan20

yearsbefore.

Dabao:,nodirtiness;Servepeople,rveme.

Xiaofu:Great!Haveyou……

Dabao:Married?I‘mnotmarried;I’mstillsingle.

Xiaofu:Haveyouclaimedyourtaxthismonth?

Dabao:What?Taxi?Oh,tax!dpaythetaxof50Yuan

thismonthandIhaveclaimedatthebeginofthismonth.

Xioafu:Yourreceipt,plea.

Dabao:(showsthereceipt)

Hereyouare,Ihavepaidmytaxinthetaxrvicecenterbycomputer.

Xiaofu:Great!Whatagoodtaxpayeryouare.

Dabao:duty.I’mproudofmylftopaythetaxfor

ourcountry.

Xiaofu:Yeah!Thetaxyoupaidisashareofourcountry’conomy,and

youdoalotforOlympicsofBeijing!

Dabao:Let’sdoittogether!.It’ssaidthat,Don'taskwhatyour

ke

me,llYangrouchuan,andpaytheTaxfortenyearsmore.

Xiaofu:You'retheloveliestpeopleinnewcentury!

Dabao:Thankyou!Andyou'retheloveliesttaxcollectorinnewera!

X:Excume,-bye.

D:Amoment,areyoufreetomorrowevening?CouldIhaveadinnerwith

you?

Xiaofu:Well,mayIhavethecompanyofmyhusband?

Dabao:No,no,noproblem.6o’clockintheevening,Beichuanyuan,ok?

Xiaofu:ogohomenow.(leaves)

Dabao,Seeyoutomorrow.

Dabao:Hopetoeyoueveryday.

TheEnd